Fear The Flying Spaghetti Monster

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Here’s an open letter to the Kansas Board of Education asking them to give time to a very alternative theory of evolution.

It seems to me to be just as valid as Intelligent Design theory.

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I believe the Board is on the right track with regard to the need to teach Intelligent Design alongside evolution in your schools. After all, the answers to the questions of the universe, including the origins of life, are found in the Bible and other ancient works written by primitive and superstitious people. The Board should also toss out telescopes, microscopes and particle accelerators because they only distract from the Bible's deep scientific teachings.

And, why does science only investigate natural explanations for natural phenomena? The Board should take all steps necessary to legislate changes to the definition of "science" to allow supernatural explanations. Of course, such explanations have never worked in the past. For example, we know that the theory of gravity explains the motion of the planets better than competing supernatural theories that suggest these motions are caused by the "hand of God." We also know that volcanoes erupt due to stresses under the Earth's surface rather than as the result of God's anger. But no matter, this type of definition change would permit Kansas' students to accept astrology as an explanation for human behavior, alien visitors as the source of crop circles, and acupuncture as a remedy for all sorts of human ills. Students should learn all competing ideas about the nature of existence.

Can the scientific method, which has worked well for 500 years, be improved by such changes? No, but this is no concern. Primitive and superstitious people claimed that the universe was created in 7 days. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster says that it was created in 4 days. Why quibble over the details? All knowledge belongs to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the ID-FSM variant. RAmen!

The Dark Ages were a simple and magical time where religion ruled and the scientific method was followed only under penalty of death. Let us take Kansas back to that simpler time. Remember: The ignorance of a few superstitious board members can make this dream a reality.

Stan Monroe

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