She Said She Said


The official guide to deciphering what the other sex is saying:

She says: "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
She means: "... with you."
He says: "I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
He means: "... just sex."
She says: "Size doesn't matter."
She means: "That's the smallest one I've ever seen."
He says: "Size doesn't matter."
He means: "It's the smallest one you'll ever see."
She says: "I like you as a friend."
She means: "... a friend who's less attractive than a dead toad."
He says: "I like you as a friend."
He means: "I'm lying."
She says: "It happens to lots of guys."
She means: "God, you're pathetic."
He says: "This has never happened to me before."
He means: "Well, except for when..."
She says: "He's a nice guy."
She means: "He's a nice doormat."
He says: "She's got a great personality."
He means: "I'm never going to go out with her again."
She says: "I'll call you."
She means: "Is it too late to erase my number from your Palm Pilot?"
He says: "I'll call you."
He means: "In three days."
She says: "I'll call you tonight."
She means: "I'll call you at 11, because you should have called me first, you pig."
He says: "I'll call you tonight."
He means: "... if I don't get too distracted by the hot bartender."
She says: "Oh, I wear this all the time."
She means: "... when I want to get some."
He says: "Oh, I wear this all the time."
He means: "... and it hasn't been washed since the first Bush administration."
She says: "I love movies."
She means: "... like Sleepless in Seattle or Riding in Cars With Boys."
He says: "I love movies."
He means: "... starring Arnold Schwarzenegger."
She says: "I like foreign films."
She means: "I like foreign films."
He says: "I like foreign films."
He means: "... because girls dig guys who like foreign films."
He means: "... because someone's gonna get their kit off."
She says: "I love you."
She means: "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and bear your children."
He says: "I love you."
He means: "I just had the world's worst case of brainlock and couldn't think of anything else to say."


you forgot a few

She says: "I just need some time"
She means: "If we spend some time apart you'll see how good I am for you and pay more attention to me, once you realize what you're missing."

He says: "I just need some time"
He means: "Far away from you, this is probably the beginning of the end."

She says: "It's not you, it's me"
She means: "It's not you, it's that I found someone better."

He says: "It's not you, it's me"
He means: "Of course it's you, what was I ever thinking?"

She says, "How many people have you slept with?"
She means, "If I ask him first, then I can tailor my number to be much less than his, and I hope it's not too high, cause I'm really digging his vibe, and besides this will serve as a first good test of just how well he lies when I put him on the spot."

He says. "How many people have you slept with?"
He means, "I can't believe she just asked me this question - I hope my answer was good enough to get her to sleep with me tonight. The only reason I'm even asking is because she expects me to ask even though I know she already has three answers waiting for me and wants to try one out - when the last thing in the world I want is to know how many, who, when or in what way some guy managed to get her naked - unless that story helps me do the same."

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