From the <i><b>I must be doing something wrong file</b></i>:
In North America, it is generally understood that men chase women, and women, in turn, leave themselves open to being chased. This is why a corny book like The Rules … has sold more than a million copies since it was first published … In essence, it is a handbook on how to play hard to get (don’t call him, let him pay, make him wait, etc.).
Thus writes Leah McLaren in the Spectator (thanks to Edie Singleton for the link).
Now, here’s the thing. I don’t necessarily mind making the first call (not that I’ve done that in a while but that’s another story). And I actually like paying for dinner/movies/whatever. But this whole playing hard to get thing is, quite frankly, baffling to me. I mean, if I call a girl, and she doesn’t call back — well, I’m going to figure that she’s simply not interested, and thus drop the matter. If she did find me interesting, then well, maybe a return call at some point (sometime in the next 3 days would be good, I think) would be a normal thing to expect, right?
I know that no-one knows the mysteries of the heart and all that mumbo-jumbo, but is it really that hard? Pick up the phone, punch the numbers, say "yeah, maybe this weekend, I could be free". Make a plan, stick to it.
Thing is that there are a lot of guys out there (ok, maybe it’s just me) who couldn’t tell ‘playing hard-to-get’ from ‘I’m not calling for a reason’ (and in any event, you can probably figure the odds on any relationship that’s founded on the manipulation one of party by the other) if the fate of western civilization depended on it. Maybe we’re stupid. Maybe we just don’t get it. Maybe we’re oblivious. Maybe we’re just tired of getting burned.
I mean, I have chased women who really weren’t interested before, and, quite frankly, it’s not an experience I’m in any hurry to repeat (phrases like ‘horrible’, ‘embarrassing’, ‘humiliated’, ‘depressed for years’ come to mind).
On the flip side, maybe I’m just not that interesting.
That is exactly what a girl doesn't want: a man who isn't that interested. If you really like a girl, can't stop thinking about her, you keep calling until you get her at home or at least try one more time. This is about being with someone who REALLY wants you, not someone who can take you or leave you after one try! Its not about manipulating a man, it is about allowing the ones who aren't really crazy about you to fall away.