Well, I have to admit that the Oscars didn't suck, or at least they didn't suck too badly.

They were, however, waaaaay too long.

My advice is:

  • Fewer commercials.
  • Fewer honorary Oscars (they gave out THREE, for gosh's sakes).
  • Better material for Whoopi.
  • What was with Donald Sutherland and Glenn Close being "The Voice of The Oscars"? Isn't that why you have a host?

The Oscar for Most Spectacular Acceptance Speech goes to Halle Berry, who just might have won a Lifetime Achivement award last night.

The Oscar for Best I Don't Give A Damn Anymore Speech goes to Randy Newman, who, after winning for the first time in 16 nominations, said "You're not going to cut me off in 4 seconds" while looking right at John Williams and later added "I see a lot of musicians who've worked for me before... and might not work for me again" as the cameras showed an orchestra that was dutifully not getting ready to play.

The Oscar for Rambling goes to Woody Allen, who started strong but eventually ran out of steam, ideas, and organization.

The Oscar for Best/Worst idea goes to whoever thought about hiring the Cirque du Soleil.

Brilliant idea, brilliant execution (though the TV direction was pretty pointless), but what exactly is the point behind sticking a long spectacle number in the middle of a show that's too long as scheduled and ends up going over by an hour?